[han solo voice] leia organa??? nah what a jerk what a— [trips] [hundreds of thousands of photos of leia organa spill out of jacket] w-what a fuckign asshole i these arent mine im just [gathering them up frantically sweating] listen i just listen fuck [thousands of pictures of leia organa scatter across the floor] shit fcuk im holding them for luke just listen
man imagine aliens w no concept of interspecies cooperation or pets
'commander the scan of this shelter reveals three primary lifeforms'
'excellent. elaborate please'
'all mammals. two quadrupeds, one feline and one canine, as well as one biped sapien. they appear to be… relaxing and eating in a shared space'
'what the fuck'
imagine these guys trying to be really polite about it because for some reason the bipeds really enjoy harboring these strange freeloading carnivores. an alien warlord meeting some diplomat’s cat and being all tentatively like ‘ah… yes. your parasite is remarkably large and complacent. you are no doubt a very well-used host and oh my stars don’t let it touch me no no NO.’
'At the end, the form of Miles inside of the swarm of nanites is visible from Miles' car, and moves towards the car. While starting the car and turning towards the gates, the Walrider pushes Miles' car and forces it through the locked gates.'
In so doing, these men have ably demonstrated the point Sarkeesian sought to make all along: that gaming is riddled with misogynistic violence, and that this violence reflects a real-world misogyny rampant within the gaming world.
Yes, all of these are fake, despite any attempts to pass them off as real *coughMERMAIDScough*. Without further ado, here are some great mockumentaries! I’ll include a short description and where you can watch them.
The Poughkeepsie Tapes: When police raid a house in a city north of New York, they discover a profoundly disturbing record of one man’s ugly crimes. Investigators find over 800 videotapes shot by the killer which present a visual record of his murders in all their horrifying details. Both state and federal law enforcement teams sift through the gruesome images, looking for clues of his identity, the identity of his victims, and where he could have gone. Repeated viewings of the materials reveal little beyond the terrible facts of the crimes, and as the authorities comb through the madman’s images, they find the tapes have had a disquieting effect on them.
Alien Planet: A futuristic mockumentary that follows the journey of two robot probes (Leo and Ike) that are sent to the alien planet Darwin IV in order to investigate it and look for signs of life. Amazingly, Darwin IV proves to be teeming with life, all of it totally unique and like nothing ever seen by human eyes. Much of the documentary is devoted to these strange alien creatures, describing them and showing their life cycles.
The Last Dragon: A Fantasy Made Real: This film puts forward a speculative evolution that dragons may have undergone from the Cretaceous period up to the 15th century, and also features ideas about what dragon life and behavior might have been like if they had existed and evolved. It follows two storylines; the first is about the dragons themselves, showing them in their natural habitats throughout history. The second is about a modern-day scientist who believes in dragons and investigates the frozen remains of an unknown creature in order to try and identify it as a dragon and save his reputation.
Megalodon: The Giant Shark Lives: Megalodon was one of the most terrifying creatures in Earth’s history; in essence, it was a 50-foot-long Great White Shark. Thankfully, it’s thought to have gone extinct at least 1.5-2 million years ago. However, this documentary posits that Megalodon never went extinct and is still swimming around to this day (spoiler: It isn’t. Or, at least there’s no evidence that it is).
Mermaids: The Body Found: In 2012, Animal Planet released this fake documentary that tells the story of a team of scientific investigators that try to uncover the source behind mysterious underwater recordings of an unidentified marine creature.
The Tunnel: A horror film in the style of a documentary that follows an investigation into a government cover-up that eventually leads to a network of abandoned train tunnels deep beneath the heart of Sydney. As a journalist and her crew hunt for the story it quickly becomes clear the story is hunting them.
The Future is Wild (TV series): A thirteen-part documentary television miniseries. Based on research and interviews with several scientists, the miniseries shows how life could evolve in the future if humans were to disappear from the Earth altogether through extinction (a later broadcast instead stated that humans had abandoned the Earth and took refuge on another planet, later sending probes back to their home planet to see how life had developed while they were gone). The show took the form of a nature documentary. (NOTE: Sadly, I’ve been unable to locate any episodes of this amazing series online, all the links have been taken down. However, you canVarious dinosaur/prehistoric life mockumentaries: I’ve already compiled a list of these, so just click the link to see what they are!
Lake Mungo: Lake Mungo is about a grieving family seeking to uncover their dead daughter’s secrets, which may be the cause of why she has seemingly been unable to move on. Along the way, they unveil horrifying secrets about their daughter that may have been better off left untouched.
Incident at Loch Ness: This mockumentary (starring, written, and directed by acclaimed director Werner Herzog) is about Herzog himself traveling to the Scottish Highlands to make a documentary, Enigma of Loch Ness, which will explain the myth of the Loch Ness Monster. Meanwhile, another documentary film crew is making a film about Werner Herzog himself, and we see the production of Enigma from their point of view. Shooting on a rented boat, tensions begin to rise as director Herzog and his producer, Zak Penn, find themselves at cross-purposes on the black surface of Loch Ness. Things get very edgy when the film crew starts seeing shapes below the murky water…
Lovely Monster (short film): The “true” story of Sophia, a young woman dealing with a rare and very dangerous condition. Despite only clocking in at 5 minutes, Lovely Monster manages to pack in a lot of suspense and an ending that will definitely catch you off-guard.
This Is Spinal Tap/Best In Show/A Mighty Wind: A trio of films by director Christopher Guest, all known for their improvisational humor and reoccurring cast. Guest himself is credited with jumpstarting the mockumentary genre. This Is Spinal Tap follows the fictional British heavy-metal band Spinal Tap and their various misadventures. Best in Show is follows five entrants in a prestigious dog show and focuses on the interactions among the various owners and handlers as they travel to the show and compete, and after the show. A Mighty Wind is about a folk music reunion concert in which three folk bands must reunite for a television performance for the first time in decades. Special mention goes to Best In Show, my personal favorite.
Life After People: This documentary explores what would happen to Earth if mankind were to suddenly disappear. Over thousands and thousands of years, the Earth begins to reclaim lost territory until almost nothing of human civilization is left. Life After People also went on to become a TV series with two seasons.
Metalosis Maligna (short film): A short film about a fictitious disease called “Metalosis Maligna.” The disease occurs when a metal implant has a bad reaction with human tissue, causing the metal to grow tendrils that eventually puncture the skin from within and destroy it. The short film covers all of the disease’s stages, from the beginning to the horrifying and gory end, when the infection has become so severe that entire sections of flesh have rotted off, leaving behind nothing but a skeleton of scrap metal.
Dark Side of the Moon: The basic premise for the film is the theory that the television footage from the Apollo 11 Moon landing was faked and recorded in a studio by the CIA with help from director Stanley Kubrick. However, the purpose of the mockumentary is not to convince the audience that the Moon landing was faked, but rather to envision what may have happened if it actually was.
That’s all I have, be sure to add onto the list if you have any others you can think of!
I’ve seen almost all of these, they’re great.
ALIEN PLANET IS THE BADDEST THING OUT THERE. IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT, YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON LIFE. I FIRST SAW IT WHEN I WAS 15 OR W/E, AND THESE TWO DUMB PROBES HAVE STAYED WITH ME TO THIS DAY. LEO AND IKE, DON’T YOU FUCKING TALK TO ME ABOUT LEO AND IKE, I JUST.
do you think it's possible daken got his pheromone powers from itsu?
You have come to the right place for this sort of discussion, friend.
(Warning: the following is a lot of fairly contrived, mostly-based-on-headcanon-and-wishful-thinking bollocks. If that’s not your thing, you might want to keep scrolling,)
My answer is: absolutely. Yes. In fact, I go one step further because I don’t think Itsu and Wolverine met by chance. Like, at all. If I’m remembering correctly, in ‘Wolverine: Origins’ it’s stated that Romulus basically controlled Wolverine’s whole life from the shadows. With that in mind, consider that Romulus intended all along for Wolverine to father a child that he would take and raise as his own personal attack dog - thus, he arranged for him to father a child by another mutant with powers beneficial to his purposes: Itsu.
Hear me out. In Wolverine vol. 4, we have the Mongrels - a bunch of Wolverine’s adult children, born to human women (as far as I’m aware - if I’m wrong, the point I’m making here is pretty much nullified), who are a mixed bag in terms of powers. Recently, Raze, the son of Mystique and Wolverine, was introduced; he is the offspring of two mutants, possessing both his parent’s powers.
What I’m getting at here is, in the [very limited] sample we have, Wolverine + human = human child or mutant child with different skill set to Wolverine, whilst Wolverine + mutant = mutant baby possessing the combined powers of both parents.
So then, maybe Itsu was an early mutant and maybe her power set included pheromone manipulation. Just to back this contrived point up a little more, consider that Romulus one) knew about Daken’s pheromone manipulation from the word go, and two) knew how the power worked. Maybe he picked up on them when he was supervising bubby Daken from the shadows or MAYBE ITSU HAD PHEROMONE POWERS AND WAS WORKING FOR ROMULUS I DON’T KNOW.
tl;dr: Yes, I think Itsu had pheromone powers and I think Romulus basically arranged her union with Wolverine so he could have Daken.
Any followers got any opinions on the whole ‘Daken getting his pheromone powers from Itsu’ discussion point?
(Also, plz note that I’m only talking about 616 Wolverine and his 616 children above - I have no idea about alternate universes, etc.)
Yeah but guys, what if this is how you meet Solas?
I mean what if this Fade tear just opens up, right in front of you so you can’t go any further and you have no idea what to do- there’s nothing on screen, nothing telling you how you’re supposed to close it.
And then this elf just walks up out of nowhere, grabs your hand and smacks the Fade tear so hard it explodes. How awesome would that be?
Did Ronan and Crystal date or sth??? I mean dafaq?? Does she not have standards?
first of all EXCUSE YOU HAVE YOU SEEN RONAN
second of all “does she not have standards” she dated Johnny Storm and was married to Pietro Maximoff for a while. She has very bad taste in men.
it’s actually her best relationship and they’re the cutest cute to ever cute
but I’m never blind to it not starting in the best places. They’re actually married, not dating, and it was basically a political marriage to marry the Kree and Inhumans under friendly terms after they have had… not so friendly terms in the past… Ronan kidnapping their entire race to use as weapons to assassinate the Shi’ar and Spartax rulers of the time lmfao
the marriage was suggested by Ronan during a very quick bartering that they work together to get back Black bolt from the skurlls WHICH MEDUSA HAD NO PROOF HE WAS ALIVE medusa is a terrible politician
and in the end, Crystal does agree to marry him, for the better of inhumans and honestly she could only hope this couldn’t be worse than her past marriages. And Ronan… was actually…. really smitten and in love with her and god he showed up with flowers for her on their political marriage wedding day and left when he sort of got slapped she didn’t want this marriage
you should read the entire scene here it’s good esp for Crys, Crys is such a good. But yes, the marriage happened (uhhhh with complications… a war going on…………) but the good thing??? about this marriage?? is that it goes NOWHERE until CRYSTAL deems anything worth happening. Over the coarse of War of Kings and Realm of Kings, she bonds with him, sees that he has actual affection for her, and sort of grows to be affectionate for him to.
He would always keep it professional, as them being partners and equals, but when he called her beloved in the heat of a moment things started… moving… AND IT’S CUTE IT’S SO CUTE
BECAUSE HE RESPECTS CRYSTAL AND ADORES HER AND IT’S THE FIRST TIME IN SO LONG SHE’S BEEN WITH SOMEONE THAT TREATED HER IN SUCH A WAY WITH UNENDING AFFECTION. NO WORRIES OF HER NOT LOVING HIM ENOUGH OR HER FAMILY NOT LIKING HIM HE DOESN’T CARE
HE’LL KICK HIS OWN ASS IF HE UPSETS CRYSTAL
AND SHE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE A QUEEN FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY CRYSTALIA AMAQUELIN DESERVES THIS and she comes to love him for it and they’re so in love and so affectionate and their marriage is a real marriage. she chooses to stay with him to rule the kree empire when Ronan is placed in charge of it.
and they’re wretched apart when the supreme intelligence wants Ronan back alone :)